This song is very personal. It was written in 2010 as I was struggling with a crumbling marriage, a mother being eroded by dementia and a career that was stalled by overworking and being underappreciated. Concurrently, one of my children was struggling to find herself and the other one was suffering from neglect.
The words came to me as I was wheeling my mum in her wheelchair to a park on a sunny Autumn day in Ottawa. I wrote it as she slept in the sun. At the time I felt that I was drowning and any personal serenity was unreachable and unattainable unless I started to swim. At that moment I stopped rationalizing away my situation. I knew my mum would die soon, my marriage needed to be ended and my girls needed more of their father and I needed to stop the hemorrhaging. Later that day, the arpeggiated chord sequence and the melody just dropped into my brain and fingers making this one of the easiest songs I have ever written (if you don't count the years of overwhelming suffering that went into it). The album "Too Blue" was written before, but released this year. The songs still ring true, but fortunately my life is no longer in such disarray. Lyrics: Disappearing Right before my eyes A way of life Before I realize Something’s gotta give 'cause I want to live Disappearing Right before my eyes Running from myself Cut me down to size Something’s gotta give I want to live Disappearing Right before my eyes Squeeze me out Something to despise Something’s gotta give I want to live Disappearing Right before my eyes Running from the truth But all I see are lies Something’s gotta give I want to live Disappearing Right before my eyes The change has got me Right between the eyes Copyright 2010. I.G.H.
2 thoughts on “Disappearing”
Great story, excellent song, Thank you,
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Thank You Janice!